Intentional Action- Strategies for Identifying and Overcoming Fear

In college I lived with my brother in an apartment in downtown Seattle. I remember how we used to talk about traveling together to a foreign country. I had previous international travel experiences in Spain, Portugal, England and South Africa, and Cory had been to Italy, Spain and Jamaica. As the travel fever increased, so did our passion to travel together.

Year after year we talked about possible travel plans, but nothing ever seemed to work out. Traveling was expensive, and we had many bills to worry about paying. Besides airfare there were the costs of hotels, food, in-country transportation, travel guides and souvenirs.  We weren’t sure if we would be able to pay our basic bills if we decided to explore a new country. Year after year we waited for the paycheck to increase so we could travel. The bills kept on coming in. Paycheck to paycheck we had little at the end of the month. Traveling never happened.

Fear prevented us from moving forward, fear of the unknown. We weren’t sure if we would be able to afford such a dream. This mindset kept us locked in and unable to break free.

Finally in 2011, we decided we had to take a risk. I went online and searched for cheap tickets to different places in the world. Of all the countries that intrigued us, Costa Rica ended up being our top choice. Then we bought two tickets. I remember feeling like I had lost a large chunk of my available resources. I felt broke and empty. But at the same time, I was ecstatic about the upcoming trip with my brother, and he was excited too. That summer, we spent two weeks traveling the eastern coasts of Costa Rica and Panama. We explored the diverse Costa Rican rainforests and swamps, hunted for snakes, ate some awesome Caribbean food, and built friendships with people from all over the world that still endure today. When we came back to the States, we could only reflect on the unique experiences we had. The payoff was well worth what we spent months prior.

The Truth About Fear

There are two types of fear. Rational fears are the instinctual fear we possess that keeps us safe. These fears include the fear of pain and the fear of death. It’s the fear that says don’t jump in a pool of sharks. It’s the fear that says it’s probably not the best idea to hang over the edge of a 10-story building. It’s the fear that says to not stick your hand in a pot of boiling water. Rational fear is necessary for our protection from things that could potentially cause us harm or lead to death. The second type of fear is irrational fears. Irrational fears are well-hidden. They are less recognizable than rational fears for they are buried deeper within us. Irrational fears are not necessary and hold us back from reaching our full potential. Here is a list of eight of the most common irrational fears. By identifying which of these fears you tend to gravitate to you greatly reduce their power in your life.

- Fear of rejection

- Fear of abandonment

-Fear of failure

- Fear of success

- Fear of being judged

- Fear of the unknown/fear of change

- Fear of not being good or smart enough

- Fear of humiliation

Dallas Brown lists three truths about irrational fear:

         * Irrational fear is irrational. “Something horrible is going to happen to me if I….” My Great Uncle Bob was a fabulous musician and preacher. He used to teach us nieces and nephews using acronyms. One of the acronyms he used frequently was FEAR- False Evidence Appearing Real. In the animal world, rational fear is necessary to survive. It is our fight-or-flight response. We often fear, however, outside of life-and-death scenarios (irrational fear). If you fear missing a day of work to spend with your family because you might get fired, this is an irrational fear (fear of the unknown). If you fear your family’s response if you decide to take a job in another city, this fear is irrational (fear of rejection or fear of abandonment). This fearful self-talk prevents you from moving forward towards your desired result.

       * Irrational fear exaggerates. Irrational fear has a tendency to blow up minor issues into major catastrophes. The fear itself is more often greater than that what is feared. My grandpa Cam was set to give his testimony at a church service one evening. He was excited to give his testimony, but he also had the fear of humiliation. You see, he had a major stuttering problem, and he was consciously aware of that problem. It affected him. It affected his schooling. It’s partially the reason he dropped out of the 8^th grade. The day leading up to his speech, Cam prayed, “God, please help me to not stutter.” That evening on the podium, he stuttered every word of his testimony. He fought through to the end, and as he left the podium he vowed never to speak in front of people again. On his way out the door, an older lady grabbed his arm and told him, “Young man, that was the most powerful testimony I’ve ever heard.” My grandpa Cam was very surprised by the lady’s response. Something switched in his head, because from that moment forward Cam made another vow. This time he vowed that he would tell his testimony to everybody he encountered, whether it be one-on-one, in small groups, or on a stage in front of a large audience. It’s also interesting to note that from that moment on Cam never stuttered again! Fear has a way of making situations worse than they actually are.   

      * Irrational fear justifies and makes excuses. When I was in college, I had a hard time saying no to my peers. Friends used to come up and invite me to attend various events and parties. I had no passion to go. After a long day I much rather had stayed in my room and watched a movie with popcorn. But I would always respond YES to their invitation because I didn’t want them to be upset with me. A few hours later I would purposely send them a text informing them that something came up and I could no longer go. The first few times I did this they brushed it off, but soon they stopped inviting me to go to different places. It reminded me of the story The Boy Who Cried ‘Wolf’, except this story was The Boy Who Cried ‘Yes’. As a result, my friends automatically assumed I wasn’t interested in going with them. This fear of abandonment led me to make one excuse after another, and though I felt justified at the time doing so, I later realized my words could no longer be trusted. It would have been much better to say no and face the fear of abandonment. Making excuses proved to be more work and detrimental in my relationships.

Irrational fear prevents you from moving forward towards your intended destination. Intentions are great, but they are not enough to overcome fear. To overcome fear you must ACT. As President John F. Kennedy said, “There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction.” Or as Leonardo da Vinci said, “Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation…even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.” Action is the bridge that leads one from intention to desired results. In any given situation, we are given a choice to surrender to our fear or to overcome our fear. Those choices can be represented in two acronyms: you can choose to either Forget Every And Run or you can Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours.

How to Overcome Your Fear

   1. Identify your fear by name. First state your intended goal you want to achieve. Then ask yourself, What’s holding me back from accomplishing this goal? After identifying the obstacle, ask yourself again why you haven’t moved forward. Continue the process until you’ve identified what fear disguise you have buried within yourself. Don’t judge your fear; acknowledge it. Start to analyze the triggers for that fear.

         2. Ask yourself what fears and anxieties you have brought into this situation. Then ask yourself how you reacted to those fears and anxieties.

         3. Breathe deeply. Deep breathing relaxes the body instead of initiating the fight-or-flight response.

         4. 'Do It Now’ Meditation. When I studied under John Maxwell I remember him teaching me a strategy to help push one towards action. I call it the ‘Do It Now’ Meditation. Every morning with your intended goal in mind, say to yourself “Do it now” fifty times. Then every evening before you go to bed repeat “Do it now” with the intended goal in mind. This will build a sense of urgency for action.

        5. Take action. Action forces us to face our fear. Action forces us to risk failure, being wrong, or getting hurt. Inaction, however, will guarantee your life stays as it is. Act TODAY. Take the first step towards your goal. If you can’t do it now, plan when you will do it.

        6. Hire a life coach. A life coach helps you to get to where you want to go. If dealing with trauma, work with a counselor or therapist.

        7. Invite others to hold you accountable. Another option is to have others hold you accountable for reaching your intended goals.

              8. Stop making excuses! Use the following formula to hash out an action plan to move forward.

                X= Intended goal             Y= Excuse            Z= Intended action        

Part 1: I want _______X_______ but _______Y_______.

Part 2: I want _______X_______ and _______Y_______, so ________Z_______.

Awareness is the first step towards reaching your full potential. Intentional action helps you to overcome the obstacles driven by fear that hold you back from reaching your goals.

Quotes about Intentional Action:

Always do what you’re afraid to do.

Ralph W. Emerson

There is always a gap between intention and action.

Paulo Coehlo

Take action! An inch of movement will bring you closer to your goals than a mile of intention.

Dr. Steve Maraboli

People are anxious to improve their circumstances but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.

James Allen

Your largest fear carries your greatest growth.

Unknown

It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it.

Ecclesiastes 5:5