My transpersonal experience

I thought it would be appropriate to describe the spiritual experience I had this past month.  Analyze it as you will, distinguish among its many aspects, and be inspired by it.  Though words limit the experience, I will describe it to the best of my dissection.  This is my transcendental experience. 

I was in Seattle at the time, hanging out with my brother and my good friend Robin.  We were discussing a variety of things, including politics, spirituality and life in general.  As the night progressed, we decided to do a meditation and chakra healing/balance.  With music playing in the background, candles lit and the lights off, we began the meditation.  Focusing on the various chakras, we opened ourselves up to the possibility of transcendence. 

When we finished the meditation, I went over to the couch and sat there.  I soon began to feel nauseous.  I was doing whatever I could to control the feeling, but the feeling increased.  I decided to get up off the couch (I didn’t want to vomit all over my brother’s couch!) and headed to the sink.  As I bent over, the anxiety of the thought of throwing up and losing control was building.  My ego was holding on for its life.  And then, there was an explosion.  The best way to describe this moment was the big bang.  Tension built until there was a pop, and different realities were created and moved about in various ways.  Colors were enhanced, colors I find difficult to remember.  There were vibrations and images.  There was no longer the tension of the ego, no control, but an opening to all realms of the mind, of all creation.  I went over to the rug by the fireplace.  I did not want to stand with the intensity of the experience.

I completely dis-identified with my mind, my thoughts and all that I knew.  Everything was distinguishable but not distinguishable.  Everything was separate but also one.  Every thought that came to my head was not me but was me.  My neck had been hurting earlier before the experience.  I felt the pain, but I was not identified with it.  Therefore, I had no suffering.  I had completely dis-identified with my body.  Voices and whispers came out of me with no effort.  They were not English.  I could not interpret what I was saying.  Moans came out from the depth of my core.   In the middle of my visual, which was colorful and vibratory, in an image no bigger than an inch, was a vision of a meditating figure in a lotus flower position.  I could not see the face.  The image was stagnant, while everything else around it was moving.   I could not interpret the image.  All I knew was that this image was significant.

Painting by Alex Grey

Perhaps the greatest realization of the whole experience was the fact that nothing mattered.  I had no worry and no stress.  I had no identification.  My job, my relationships, my achievements, and my future: none of it mattered.  I had no concern for practical living.  Living, indeed, was in the now, in the experience itself.  I questioned reality.  I questioned life and death.  I could not separate the two.  I didn’t know if I was dreaming, sleeping or awake.  Time was twisted. 

I wondered if this was what is experienced at or near death. 

The experience revealed a truth.  The experience was real, because it layered off all the concepts and stories I had created about myself, all the experiences I had.  The layers of illusion were peeled off, floating, leaving my inner-self exposed.  The inner-self was my true nature.  It was not good or bad, for good and bad were outside of me.  This inner nature was all there was, all that was real.  It did not judge, control or seek acceptance.  It was the only authentic place where God could dwell.