My grandpa Cam Iverson was a pastor for nearly thirty years between the 1960s and the 1980s. As a young man, he dropped out of the eighth grade due to alcoholism. He was a mean alcoholic, picking fights with people on the street, stealing, cursing, and gaining the nickname "Half-Pint Cam." He suffered through many years of anguish, but one day in his twenties he gave his full heart to God and saw a total transformation of his life. He completely gave up alcohol and stopped fighting, stealing and cursing. He fell in love with God, and as a result, he changed from a cynical man to a lover of all people.
When my grandpa was in his 50s he was asked to share his testimony with a small congregation in McKenna, Washington. After he gave his testimony, the ladies aide asked him to be their lead pastor. At first he was reluctant, feeling unworthy of such a position as he was an 8th grade dropout and was never ordained. God gave him peace of heart, however, to take the position, telling him, "I ordained you." Under my grandpa's leadership, the church grew and grew and eventually moved to a bigger building that could house his growing congregration.
Cam Iverson was a unique pastor in the community in that he cared less for theology and finances and cared more for people. If I were to give a defining characteristic of his ministry it would be restorative love. He believed that no matter who the person was or how far they had fallen, they could always be restored in God. He knew that there was no sinless person, including himself. If God could ordain him to be the leader of that church, God could use anybody. Cam had a heart for the broken, and he gave many the opportunity to use their talents for the kingdom of God no matter their past or their present circumstance. When Cam did this, however, several board members freaked out, telling Cam that certain people were "sinners" and were bad examples for his ministry. He ignored the criticism, and in the mid-1980s, he was voted out as pastor by the church board.
The Pierced Lens of Judgment
The church in America and Europe continues to see a decrease in attendance rates. People inside the church reason that this decrease is due to the corruption of its congregation by the "Evil One," resulting in the "great falling away" as portrayed in end-times theology. When listening to the people who left the church, however, a different reason emerges of why people are leaving: church people are too judgmental. The former understanding gives people inside the church an excuse to never change; the latter requires extensive and potentially difficult self-reflection in order to change. I believe it's time to address this major issue.
But don't take my word for it. Jesus' words make clear his view towards judging others:
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Matthew 7:1-5
Throughout the Gospels Jesus' persistently accused the religious leaders of the day, the Pharisees, for judging others. The Pharisees especially targeted those they deemed sinners. Jesus called them out for this, asking any Pharisee who was without sin to cast the first stone (John 8:7). No Pharisee could step forward with integrity, their hidden hypocrisy being exposed. This really set them off. They plotted their revenge on Jesus, which they ultimately got when they influenced his crucifixion. Today, the same judgmental mindset persists in religious-dominated churches.
If we claim to be Christians, it would be wise to ask ourselves the same questions Jesus asked before we decide to judge anyone:
Is there anybody in the church today who is without sin?
and
Is there anybody who has the right to judge others' beliefs and lifestyles if they are harming nobody?
When Jesus asked these similar questions 2000 years ago, none of the Pharisees could hide the fact that they too were sinners. I don't think any of us can, either.
Judgment is the result of an individual's superiority complex. The superiority complex is the attitude of superiority that actually conceals feelings of inferiority due to failure (sin). Judging others is the result of this complex. People with a strong superiority complex want to portray themselves as holier than the "sinners" over there, so they conceal their own sin and magnify the sins of others to be seen. The sin we all carry within ourselves is the plank that Jesus is referring to. This plank gives us a pierced lens, disabling our ability to look past sin and love one another fully.
I think it's very important to be reminded what "sin" actually is. The Greek word for sin, hamartia, translates to "miss the mark." The same word was used in archery, when describing the action of aiming at a target and missing. Sin can therefore be understood as an act of imperfection, failing, or making a mistake. What exactly is this target we're aiming for? Complete union with our Creator, who is love. Thus, sin is missing the mark of love.
Let's take this a step further. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus described the only necessary act of judgment, which many Christians have used to justify their own egoic acts of judging the sins of others.
"If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."
Matthew 18:15
Notice what Jesus was trying to teach here. Jesus didn't say if your brother and sister sins, correct him; Jesus said if your brother and sister sins against you then go point out their fault. This isn't a call to judge your brother or sister by their imperfection; it's a call for correcting the love that was broken between two people.
You cannot love God and justly break up the love of your neighbor (1 John 4:7-8). The two go together simultaneously and are of the same love essence. If you judge another and that relationship is damaged, you are responsible for destroying that love and putting your own beliefs above God.
Christians are supposed to be the light of the world revealing themselves through love (John 13:35), not by being pious converts. Jesus attempted to do-away with the old religious paradigm that taught following the rules was your only access point to God. In fact, Jesus was the prime example of the ultimate religious rule-breaker! Yet, as Christians, we still judge others by those same rules we ourselves can't follow. Judgment is not a commandment from God. Judgment is sin, as one will quickly discover its ability to destroy love. Judgment does not radiate God; judgment radiates pride. As Mother Teresa said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
From Judgment to Love
What is our prime responsibility as Christian people? Let's turn to our leader to find out. When asked by his disciples, "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied:
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.
Matthew 22:36-40
Love is our primary responsibility as Christians. If there is any practice that a Christian ought to adopt, if there's any commandment that ought to center their theology, it's love. If Jesus' words are not enough, let's take another Scripture. John the Evangelist echoed the words of Jesus:
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8
This is one of my favorite Scriptures because it gives us a definition of love, which tends to be vague. What is love according to John? God is love. If you break the love of your neighbor, then you break your bond with God. You can't have one and ignore the other. If a gay man and his partner have a genuine loving relationship, this is more radiant of God's Presence than the judgmental Christian who aims to destroy that bond. But let's take another passage of Scripture, this time from Paul.
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13
Love is the greatest spiritual act. Love is greater than prophesying. Love is greater than speaking in tongues. Love is greater than being an expert of the Scriptures. Love is greater than faith, which most Protestant circles deem as the ultimate Christian act. Love is greater than following all the rules, which is impossible anyway. Let's add one more verse, though, this time going back to the words of Jesus as told in the Gospel of John.
A new commandment I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.
John 13:34-35
The true witness of Jesus is someone who loves others unconditionally like he did. Jesus loved the broken. Jesus loved the sinners. Jesus loved those his religion and society deemed unworthy. This love is extremely hard to do, as many of us have experienced, but it's a love that's extremely necessary. Unfortunately, the world sees Christians not as lovers but as closed-minded, judgmental people. We've done a poor job collectively at living like Jesus. Nevertheless, I believe we have a grand opportunity to change this perception, one person at a time, and we do this by the very act of love itself. Love isn't just one Christian thing to do; love IS the way of Christ.
When two or more are gathered in love, God is present. Everytime you genuinely love somebody as they presently are without the need to change them, you not only show you're a Christ-follower; you display God's very Presence.
How to Love Others
So how does one love another? Let me give you a strategy that I've found helpful both in the classroom and in my conversations that has led to numerous growth moments and a deepening of my relationships.
1. Listen. Become an intentional listener. Be fully present in their expression. This doesn't mean just hearing somebody talk, eagerly awaiting to give your two-sense. It means intentionally listening to what the person has to say. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason; listen twice as often as you talk!
2. Understand. Swiss mystic Adrienne von Speyr once said, "The first step in learning to love others is the attempt to understand them." Your entire goal when listening to another is to fully understand what the person is trying to say. Ask questions. Repeat back to them the main points they shared with you and wait to be corrected if needed (notice they're correcting you, not you correcting them!).
3. Accept. You heard and understood their story. Now fully accept their story and have compassion. No matter how much you may disagree or want to give your advice, keep your thoughts to yourself. Remember that you're not the expert of their story. Accept the person's struggle without trying to solve the struggle for them.
4. Share. If the timing feel's right, share your own story. Share how you dealt with your circumstances. Your story alone will give them enough content to digest and compare. They may follow a totally different path than you took. Be okay with that. To each his own.
You always have a choice: you can choose to judge or you can choose to love. Err on the side of love. You won't be judged by God for loving another as you would should you judge another. When you shift from judging others to loving others, your relationships will grow and your connection to God will deepen.
Let's end on a quote from American monk Thomas Merton:
Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody's business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy.
Quotes
"Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
Wayne Dyer
"Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody's business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy."
Thomas Merton
"If you judge people you have no time to love them."
Mother Teresa
"Love is the absence of judgment."
Dalai Lama
Judgment is a negative frequency."
Stephen Richard
"Be curious, not judgmental."
Walt Whitman
"What you must do is love your neighbor as yourself. There is no one who knows your many faults better than you! But you love yourself notwithstanding. And so you must love your neighbor, no matter how many faults you see in him."
Martin Buber
"It is easy to love those who are far, but it's not easy to love your neighbor."
Mahatma Gandhi
"We do not judge the people we love."
Jean Paul Sarte
"The first step in learning to love others is the attempt to understand them."
Adrienne von Speyr
"Happiness is in your ability to love others."
Leo Tolstoy
"In the end, nothing we do or say in this lifetime will matter as much as the way we have loved one another."
Daphne Rose Kingma
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