Contentment- A Philosophy of Living

Here are two personal stories where I learned contentment:

Living in a Mansion

In August of 2008 my family moved to Castle Rock, Washington. I was born and raised in Yelm, about an hour and a half northeast of Castle Rock. We had a small one-story home in Yelm, built sometime in the early 20^th century. My great-grandparents had lived there. So had my grandparents. It was where my mother was raised. It was where I was raised as well. The original home was tiny, and we added on additional rooms as the years went on. To modern standards, our Yelm home was lower-middle class.

When we moved to Castle Rock, we moved into a 6-bedroom, 4 ½ bathroom, 5000+ square foot home. It was on 16 acres overlooking Mt. St. Helens with a trout pond, fenced-in garden, indoor gym, and beautiful landscaping. It was worth well over a million dollars. When my grandma first saw the house she was overwhelmed, calling it an “English mansion.” Indeed for those who visited us, they saw the same thing. In the initial move we felt we had moved up on the social scale. Our overall happiness made a brief jump before landing back to the same feeling of contentment we had before we moved homes. Our house was bigger. Our house was better. Our contentedness stayed the same.

Happy Boy in Africa

In July of 2009 I went on a study-abroad trip to South Africa for a month. The second week we worked with Habitat for Humanity building homes for less fortunate families in the township of Mfuleni. In between work times, we had tea breaks. During these breaks several of us volunteers spent time playing with the kids. Being a basketball fan, I remember making a basketball hoop out of wire for the kids and creating a ball out of paper trash. The kids loved it! Despite all the playing, I was so surprised to see the happiness of these kids. They had very little. They barely had enough food to put on the table. Their shelters were poorly built. The townships were very high in violent crime. Yet, these kids were happy. There was one 12-year boy who stood out to me because of his smile. The following poem I wrote during this time when I was working in the township.

The little township boy
About 12 years of age
Poor, yet rich in so many ways.

He smiles as often as the rising sun,
His teeth as healthy as a rich man’s wallet.

What was it about this boy
Who smiles so sincere?
He lives in a township
Nothing to brag.
The mischief is haunting
Day by day.

Yet the boy keeps on smiling
A shield in the face of deprivation
As if there was no trouble
No crying, no holdbacks.

My heart is out.
I will never forget.

Both of the stories above describe major lessons I learned in contentment. The first story my family and I experienced a major upgrade from our previous life in Yelm. It was certainly much better, yet we soon realized the truth that money can’t buy happiness. The second story further magnified that truth. The young township boy had no money. His surroundings were beyond poor and dangerous. Yet this boy smiled in the company of us wealthier volunteers. He didn’t ask for money. He didn’t ask for food. He simply smiled in the face of deprivation. 

What is Contentment?

Contentment is a state of happiness and satisfaction. Other words to describe contentment are gratification, fulfillment and pleasure. Simply, contentment is being happy with your life.

The way to contentment is misunderstood by many. The driving understanding is this: if I get x, THEN I will be happy. When we do get to x, we experience but a short-lived contentment. We come to realize that when we finally get THERE, there’s still a little farther to go before we’re fully content. We are met with a dead end. 

It’s a paradox: the more we get, the more we want. 

Let me give you a visual of two different paths to contentment. Imagine two balloons, one red and one blue. The red balloon is a typical balloon. The blue balloon is the same balloon but it has little holes poked through it. Now imagine trying to blow up those balloons. The red balloon blows up relatively quickly and with little effort. The blue balloon, however, has a different result. No matter how much effort you exert, no matter how much air you breathe, you will NEVER be able to blow up that balloon. The red balloon blew up to its potential; the blue balloon failed in all its effort.

The holes in the blue balloon represent the holes of greed. Let’s use an example. We desperately want that new car. We’ve thought about it for years. When the time comes to finally buy the car, you don’t hesitate. Soon you are driving your dream car! You drive it around town, you show all your friends, and you bask in the pride of reaching your dream. Then suddenly you notice somebody driving with a fancier car than yours. Soon, your feeling of satisfaction recedes and you’re wondering about upgrading your car. You decide to install a new speaker system. It sounds rad! As you’re driving down the street blasting the bass a car drives past you and blasts its own powerful noise via exhaust. You soon want one for yourself. So you work tirelessly to make enough money to buy that new exhaust. You continue installing things as you think about new upgrades. You pile up debt. You then tell yourself: as soon as I can pay off my debt, THEN I will be happy. The cycle continues for much of your life. You feel more and more trapped and contentment seems farther and farther away.

Indian leader Mahatma Gandhi said, “Man falls from the pursuit of the ideal of plan living and high thinking the moment he wants to multiply his daily wants. Man’s happiness really lies in contentment.” Alfred Nobel says, “Contentment is the only real wealth.” Stoic Greek philosopher Epictetus declares, “Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” How many great thinkers, mystics and leaders do we need to hear before we come to adopt the belief that happiness doesn’t come from getting more? This false understanding is further propagated by the media through advertisements claiming how if you buy this certain product, you will feel more fulfilled. It’s all an illusion. 

Contentment-Aspiration Dichotomy

How can you be content while at the same time having the desire to grow yourself? This paradox is interesting. Think of it this way: your aspiration is your direction; your contentment is the vehicle you use to get there. Your vehicle may have to take a detour every once in a while or you may have to change a flat tire due to a rough patch on the road, but you can be content no matter what kind of road you’re driving on. When I was in the Peace Corps a fellow volunteer once told me, “Life is a journey and the journey itself is home.” What an awesome way to live life! You have a direction your journey is taking you, and you can feel content, feel “at home” throughout. Contentment you can have whether you achieve your goal or not. Contentment is something you can experience no matter what circumstance is going on in your life.

                               

The Six “C’s” of Contentment

So how can one become content in life, no matter the circumstance? The six C’s of contentment will grow you to a more satisfied life.

1    * CHANGE your worldview. Instead of telling yourself “If I get ____, THEN I will be happy,” change your mindset to say “I choose whether I am happy or not.” If you want to be content, you must adopt the belief that happiness is a choice. Once you do, your contentment will grow exponentially.

2    * CUT the comparisons. The more you compare yourself to others the more poor you feel, the uglier you feel, the weaker you feel, and the worse you feel. The more you compare yourself to others the more you want. This greed creates great turmoil within us. Cut the comparisons. 

3    * CLEAR room for more options. In his video “Why We Are Unhappy,” Nat Ware explains that the reason so many people are unhappy is they create expectation gaps. An expectation gap is when our expectations are greater than our experiences. The reason for such a gap is because we attach to the grandest possibility without leaving room for other options. Remember, plans change but visions remain. Don’t attach to just one option. Clear room to allow for additional options to manifest. 

4    * CONCENTRATE on the present. When I was 23 years old I went through a 4-month period of depression. I tried everything to alleviate my suffering, but nothing seemed to work. People tried to cheer me up but I remained in my depressed state. I read numerous books on how to be happy, but I was stuck in the gray. Then I heard about present-moment living as a way to stop suffering, so I decided to try it. One day on the way to copy some papers for my students, I decided to try present-moment living. I decided to focus on my step. As soon as I brought my full attention to a single step, all my suffering went away. Incredible! I started to experiment with this present-moment focus in everything I did. Soon I kicked myself out of my depression and started enjoying life again. “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.” Eckhart Tolle reminds us that all stress and dissatisfaction is caused by our minds wandering to the past or future. When you focus solely on the past you risk depression. When you focus solely on the future you risk overwhelming stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. In reality, the present is the only real experience. Concentrate on the NOW. When having a conversation with somebody, focus solely on that dialogue. When stretching, focus on the lengthening of that cramped muscle. When you breathe, focus on your breath Accept all that Is in the now. Satisfaction is found in the present.

5    * COUNT your blessings. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Keep a list or journal all the things you’re thankful for. Write something new every day. Count your blessings. You are much better off than a lot of people in the world.

6     * CEDE your concerns to God. Early Christian leader Paul of Tarsus told the Philippians, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” There are certain concerns you can influence. These are your calls to action. There are other concerns you have no control over. No matter what you do, these concerns you can’t solve. Worrying certainly doesn’t solve them. Instead of worrying about what you can’t change, focus on what you can change. Then give all your other concerns to God. 

I encourage you to implement the six “Cs” of contentment in your daily life. I promise that if you consciously implement them you will begin to experience a deeper satisfaction in your life.

Quotes about Contentment

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.

Buddha

Man falls from the pursuit of the ideal of plan living and high thinking the moment he wants to multiply his daily wants. Man’s happiness really lies in contentment.

Mahatma Gandhi

Contentment is the greatest treasure.

Lao Tzu

Contentment is the only real wealth.

Alfred Nobel

The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.

Doug Larson

Contentment does not come from achievement.

Paul Henderson

Contentment consists not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire.

Thomas Fuller

Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.

Epictetus

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13