Here are two personal stories where I learned contentment:
Living in a Mansion
In August of 2008 my family moved to Castle Rock,
Washington. I was born and raised in Yelm, about an hour and a half northeast
of Castle Rock. We had a small one-story home in Yelm, built sometime in the
early 20th century. My great-grandparents had lived there. So had my
grandparents. It was where my mother was raised. It was where I was raised as
well. The original home was tiny, and we added on additional rooms as the years
went on. To modern standards, our Yelm home was lower-middle class.
When we moved to Castle Rock, we moved into a 6-bedroom, 4 ½
bathroom, 5000+ square foot home. It was on 16 acres overlooking Mt. St. Helens
with a trout pond, fenced-in garden, indoor gym, and beautiful landscaping. It
was worth well over a million dollars. When my grandma first saw the house she
was overwhelmed, calling it an “English mansion.” Indeed for those who visited
us, they saw the same thing. In the initial move we felt we had moved up on the
social scale. Our overall happiness made a brief jump before landing back to
the same feeling of contentment we had before we moved homes. Our house was
bigger. Our house was better. Our contentedness stayed the same.
Happy Boy in Africa
In July of 2009 I went on a study-abroad trip to South
Africa for a month. The second week we worked with Habitat for Humanity
building homes for less fortunate families in the township of Mfuleni. In between work times, we had tea breaks. During
these breaks several of us volunteers spent time playing with the kids. Being a
basketball fan, I remember making a basketball hoop out of wire for the kids
and creating a ball out of paper trash. The kids loved it! Despite all the
playing, I was so surprised to see the happiness of these kids. They had very
little. They barely had enough food to put on the table. Their shelters were
poorly built. The townships were very high in violent crime. Yet, these kids
were happy. There was one 12-year boy who stood out to me because of his smile.
The following poem I wrote during this time when I was working in the township.
The
little township boy
About 12 years of age
Poor, yet rich in so many ways.
About 12 years of age
Poor, yet rich in so many ways.
He
smiles as often as the rising sun,
His teeth as healthy as a rich man’s wallet.
His teeth as healthy as a rich man’s wallet.
What
was it about this boy
Who smiles so sincere?
He lives in a township
Nothing to brag.
The mischief is haunting
Day by day.
Who smiles so sincere?
He lives in a township
Nothing to brag.
The mischief is haunting
Day by day.
Yet
the boy keeps on smiling
A shield in the face of deprivation
As if there was no trouble
No crying, no holdbacks.
A shield in the face of deprivation
As if there was no trouble
No crying, no holdbacks.
My
heart is out.
I will never forget.
I will never forget.
Both of the stories above describe major lessons I learned
in contentment. The first story my family and I experienced a major upgrade
from our previous life in Yelm. It was certainly much better, yet we soon
realized the truth that money can’t buy
happiness. The second story further magnified that truth. The young
township boy had no money. His surroundings were beyond poor and dangerous. Yet
this boy smiled in the company of us wealthier volunteers. He didn’t ask for
money. He didn’t ask for food. He simply smiled in the face of deprivation.
What is Contentment?
Contentment is a state of happiness and satisfaction. Other
words to describe contentment are gratification, fulfillment and pleasure. Simply,
contentment is being happy with your life.
The way to contentment is misunderstood by many. The driving
understanding is this: if I get x, THEN I
will be happy. When we do get to x,
we experience but a short-lived contentment. We come to realize that when we
finally get THERE, there’s still a
little farther to go before we’re fully content. We are met with a dead end.
It’s a paradox: the more we get, the more we want.
Let me give you a visual of two different paths to contentment.
Imagine two balloons, one red and one blue. The red balloon is a typical
balloon. The blue balloon is the same balloon but it has little holes poked
through it. Now imagine trying to blow up those balloons. The red balloon blows
up relatively quickly and with little effort. The blue balloon, however, has a
different result. No matter how much effort you exert, no matter how much air
you breathe, you will NEVER be able to blow up that balloon. The red balloon
blew up to its potential; the blue balloon failed in all its effort.
The holes in the blue balloon represent the holes of greed. Let’s
use an example. We desperately want that new car. We’ve thought about it for
years. When the time comes to finally buy the car, you don’t hesitate. Soon you
are driving your dream car! You drive it around town, you show all your
friends, and you bask in the pride of reaching your dream. Then suddenly you
notice somebody driving with a fancier car than yours. Soon, your feeling of
satisfaction recedes and you’re wondering about upgrading your car. You decide
to install a new speaker system. It sounds rad! As you’re driving down the
street blasting the bass a car drives past you and blasts its own powerful
noise via exhaust. You soon want one for yourself. So you work tirelessly to
make enough money to buy that new exhaust. You continue installing things as
you think about new upgrades. You pile up debt. You then tell yourself: as soon
as I can pay off my debt, THEN I will be happy. The cycle continues for much of
your life. You feel more and more trapped and contentment seems farther and
farther away.
Indian leader Mahatma Gandhi said, “Man falls from the
pursuit of the ideal of plan living and high thinking the moment he wants to
multiply his daily wants. Man’s happiness really lies in contentment.” Alfred
Nobel says, “Contentment is the only real wealth.” Stoic Greek philosopher
Epictetus declares, “Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in
having few wants.” How many great thinkers, mystics and leaders do we need to
hear before we come to adopt the belief that happiness doesn’t come from
getting more? This false understanding is further propagated by the media through
advertisements claiming how if you buy this certain product, you will feel more
fulfilled. It’s all an illusion.
Contentment-Aspiration Dichotomy
How can you be content while at the same time having the
desire to grow yourself? This paradox is interesting. Think of it this way: your
aspiration is your direction; your contentment is the vehicle you use to get
there. Your vehicle may have to take a detour every once in a while or you may
have to change a flat tire due to a rough patch on the road, but you can be
content no matter what kind of road you’re driving on. When I was in
the Peace Corps a fellow volunteer once told me, “Life is a journey and the journey itself is home.” What an awesome
way to live life! You have a direction your journey is taking you, and you can
feel content, feel “at home” throughout. Contentment you can have whether you
achieve your goal or not. Contentment is something you can experience no matter
what circumstance is going on in your life.
The Six “C’s” of Contentment
So how can one become content in life, no matter the
circumstance? The six C’s of contentment will grow you to a more satisfied
life.
1 * CHANGE your worldview. Instead of telling
yourself “If I get ____, THEN I will be happy,” change your mindset to say “I
choose whether I am happy or not.” If you want to be content, you must adopt
the belief that happiness is a choice. Once you do, your contentment will grow
exponentially.
2 * CUT the comparisons. The more you
compare yourself to others the more poor you feel, the uglier you feel, the
weaker you feel, and the worse you feel. The more you compare yourself to
others the more you want. This greed creates great turmoil within us. Cut the
comparisons.
3 * CLEAR room for more options. In his
video “Why We Are Unhappy,” Nat Ware explains that the reason so many people
are unhappy is they create expectation
gaps. An expectation gap is when our expectations are greater than our
experiences. The reason for such a gap is because we attach to the grandest possibility without leaving room for other
options. Remember, plans change but
visions remain. Don’t attach to just one option. Clear room to allow for
additional options to manifest.
4 * CONCENTRATE on the present. When I was
23 years old I went through a 4-month period of depression. I tried everything
to alleviate my suffering, but nothing seemed to work. People tried to cheer me
up but I remained in my depressed state. I read numerous books on how to be
happy, but I was stuck in the gray. Then I heard about present-moment living as a way to stop suffering, so I decided to
try it. One day on the way to copy some papers for my students, I decided to try
present-moment living. I decided to focus on my step. As soon as I brought my
full attention to a single step, all my suffering went away. Incredible! I
started to experiment with this present-moment focus in everything I did. Soon
I kicked myself out of my depression and started enjoying life again. “Realize
deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.” Eckhart Tolle reminds us that all stress and dissatisfaction is caused
by our minds wandering to the past or future. When you focus solely on the past
you risk depression. When you focus solely on the future you risk overwhelming stress,
anxiety, and exhaustion. In reality, the present is the only real experience.
Concentrate on the NOW. When having a conversation with somebody, focus solely
on that dialogue. When stretching, focus on the lengthening of that cramped
muscle. When you breathe, focus on your breath Accept all that Is in the
now. Satisfaction is found in the present.
5 * COUNT your blessings. Instead of
focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. Adopt an attitude
of gratitude. Keep a list or journal
all the things you’re thankful for. Write something new every day. Count your
blessings. You are much better off than a lot of people in the world.
6 * CEDE your concerns to God. Early
Christian leader Paul of Tarsus told the Philippians, “Do not be anxious about
anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” There
are certain concerns you can influence. These are your calls to action. There
are other concerns you have no control over. No matter what you do, these
concerns you can’t solve. Worrying certainly doesn’t solve them. Instead of
worrying about what you can’t change, focus on what you can change. Then give
all your other concerns to God.
I encourage you to implement the six “Cs” of contentment in
your daily life. I promise that if you consciously implement them you will
begin to experience a deeper satisfaction in your life.
Quotes about Contentment
Health is the
greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best
relationship.
Buddha
Man falls from the
pursuit of the ideal of plan living and high thinking the moment he wants to
multiply his daily wants. Man’s happiness really lies in contentment.
Mahatma Gandhi
Contentment is the
greatest treasure.
Lao Tzu
Contentment is the
only real wealth.
Alfred Nobel
The world is full of
people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.
Doug Larson
Contentment does not
come from achievement.
Paul Henderson
Contentment consists
not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire.
Thomas Fuller
Wealth consists not
in having great possessions, but in having few wants.
Epictetus
I am not saying this
because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the
circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have
plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all
this through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:11-13
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