Observing thoughts

Last year I subbed in a 5th grade classroom at my old elementary school.  After specialists, students came back into the classroom to work on math.  After I explained the directions and the papers were passed out, students began working on their own.  Most students were doing well.  There was a little bit of talking, but as a substitute teacher I found this a common thing.  Many students finished their papers before lunch.  There was this one small boy, however, who was struggling.  I first recognized this boy when I saw him under his desk, holding his knees and rolling back and forth on the floor.  His face expressed sadness and shame.  I thought, "What the heck is this?  Why in the world is this boy reacting this way?  He must be having some trouble back home."  One of the other students told me he did this all the time.  My curiosity got me, and I went over to the boy who was under the desk.  I said to him, "What's up?"  His response was, "I suck."  I asked him for clarity.  "You suck?  What do you mean, you suck?"  He said, "I just suck.  I'm stupid."  This boy was frustrated, his affective filter was high.  The math we were working on stumped him, and his frustration led to much unnecessary suffering.  It was interesting to observe how his thoughts took over his reality.  We do this often ourselves.  We identify ourselves with our minds, and when more difficult circumstances arise we experience intense negative symptoms and emotions.  Oftentimes, these emotions become overpowering and affect every aspect of our life, leading to darker symptoms of distress, depression and despair.  Our time and energy is spent trying to calm these emotions, when the positive emotions lie dormant, waiting for the opportunity to arise.  In a negative thinker, these opportunities are rare.

This was such a unique experience for me, because I saw a truth play outside of myself.  I too had experienced the illusion of identifying myself with my mind and thoughts, not too shortly before.  Seeing it play out in another person really strengthened this realization.  I recognized it in another person, and I felt compelled to respond.  As I continued to observe, I saw the student was still in the same position.  Finally, I got his attention and waved him over to my desk.  When he was right beside me, I began to tell him about distinguishing between the mind and his inner self.  I told him to do something.  "This is what I want you to do.  I want you to start observing your thoughts.  Start observing the voices in your head.  I want you to see that your thoughts are not you, but you are that which is observing your thoughts.  Will you do this?"  He shook his head and went back to his desk.  About five minutes later, the boy came back to my desk with a piece of paper in his hand and handed it to me.  I looked at the paper.  On it was pictures and words saying, "I hate myself."  "I'm stupid."  "I suck."  "I'm a loser."  I was amazed.  My first reaction was, "I hope no teacher walks in and sees this."  Then I realized what had just happened.  I told the boy to observe his thoughts, and he did.  He observed his thoughts, and wrote them down on a piece of paper.  The thoughts were negative, of course, but this was a major distinction the boy had to make.  The boys frustration seemed to leave him.  His face didn't express the same shame it had before.  He was more lively.  I smiled at him and he at me.  I told him to try the math again and continue to observe his thoughts throughout the day.  Before the period ended, I went over to the boy's desk and saw that he had done most of his work.  Wow!

By being the observer, one is able to go from a state of frustration to pure joy.

Taken while teaching in 2010-2011.