Courage- Stretching Beyond Your Comfort Zone

 
Have you ever read the novel Hatchet? Written by Gary Paulsen, Hatchet is a survival story about a thirteen-year old boy named Brian whose plane crashed in a lake in the Canadian wilderness. Brian survived, but the pilot did not. Brian had to survive alone in the unknown wilderness for an unknown period of time. When Brian recovers from the crash, he climbs out of the lake and begins analyzing his situation. He found he had matches, cooking equipment, multiple packs of freeze dried food, and a hatchet. He also had a radio, though he didn’t understand how it worked.  He found a place where he could build a shelter and where there were edible berries. Brian had to overcome the challenges of finding food and water, creating warmth, fending off wild animals, and lasting through severe weather. Survival was not easy. After 54 days, Brian discovered how to turn on the emergency radio transmitter. Soon a plane flying overhead saw the signal and landed to rescue Brian.
 

Hatchet is a story of a common city boy that transformed into a survivalist in a matter of days. Brian didn’t intend to be a survivalist. The experience was forced upon him. When the plane crashed, Brian had a choice: he would either live or die. He had nobody around him to help him make the decision. He had no cell phone or internet to check the pros and cons. It would have probably been a lot easier to die. Survival is hard, certainly uncomfortable, especially in a treacherous environment. Nevertheless, he made the decision to survive. Brian took the road less traveled. Brian was going to fight to survive. 

The Three Zones of Living

One of my all-time favorite quotes is by author Neale Donald Walsch. He said, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

There are three zones of living: the comfort zone, the stretch zone, and the panic zone.

The comfort zone is the zone of reflection. It’s a state of relaxation and peace. It’s what I like to call “Point 0” living. It’s also a place where action is limited and excitement wanes. It’s where things are familiar and easy to do. Adjectives to describe this zone are secure, stable, lifeless, bored, comfortable, safe, unchallenged, and easy. Spending too much time in your comfort zone kills motivation and shrinks your potential.  In my mid-twenties I spent much of my time in the comfort zone. I had experienced a major heartbreak in 2010 and it sent me spiraling down into a depression for four months. I had no desire to risk experiencing that hurt again, so I pulled back from emotionally attaching to anything or anyone. Instead, I spend the next few years reflecting on my life and what I wanted to do. It was a peaceful time. I never experienced suffering during these years. Nevertheless, I soon felt stalled in my life. I wasn’t going anywhere. It was only through traveling to new countries and unknown places that I was able to experience immense excitement. It wasn’t until I made the decision to join the Peace Corps and leave home for a year that I broke from this “Point 0” and began to feel completely alive again. It was in Mongolia that I made a decision to start spending more time in the stretch zone.

The stretch zone is the zone of growth. It’s a zone of action and excitement. It’s where change happens. The activities in this zone challenge you without overwhelming you. Adjectives to describe this zone are excited, challenged, willing to take risk, alive, and exhilarated. In his book 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, John Maxwell talks about the “Law of the Rubber Band.” In this law Maxwell compares human lives to a rubber band. The purpose of a rubber band is to stretch. It’s through stretching that the rubber band proves most effective. If a rubber band is not stretched, however, it loses its potential and doesn’t serve its purpose. This is similar to our lives. We each have a God-given purpose in this world, and in order to fulfill that purpose we must grow to our full potential. In order to do this we must spend time in our stretch zone. If we just stay in our comfort zone, however, we’re working just as ineffectively as that idle rubber band. We must therefore stretch ourselves to become the most effective.

Now if you stretch a rubber band too far, what will happen? It will break! This is what happens to us when we enter the panic zone. The panic zone is the zone of stress.  It’s the zone where fear stops all action or the action creates disastrous results. It’s where tasks are too daunting or conflict with our values. When we enter this zone, we have the potential to break. My dad used to tell me to not “put too many irons in the fire.” I have a tendency to want to do many things. I want to get my Master’s degree. I want to do more concerts with our band. I want to write a book and create a curriculum. I want to get married and take care of my family. I want to build a house. I want to travel the world. The more I delve into a collection of these areas, the more stressful my life becomes. The more stressed out I get the more exhausted and irritable I become, and I also find myself in the same “Point 0” immobile state of the comfort zone, only this is more frustrating. These negative emotions often drive my immune system down, and as a result I get sick and am in bed for days. This is what happens when you spend a lot of time in the panic zone. The high stretching and over-exhaustion does more damage than good. Adjectives to describe this zone are fearful, tense, exhausted, fed up, tired, frustrated, annoyed, and anxious. 

A Stretch-Zone Solution: Courage

As I’ve talked about in my previous blog post, all of us have irrational fears that prevent us from moving forward and growing. One of those fears listed was fear of the unknown. In order to conquer this fear you must have courage. While fear of the unknown is a master at keeping us where we are, courage is the engine that keeps us stretching. The fear of the unknown thrives on comfort and normality. Courage says, “Bring on the unknown!” In order to move forward and grow to our full potential we must have the courage to stretch beyond where we are and into unfamiliar territory.

Life expectancy in 2015 averaged 78.9 years. The female average is 81.3 years and men are slightly lower at 76.5 years. Just to work with an easier number, we’re going to round the average lifespan to 80 years. Now, I want to give you a visual representation that hopefully motivates you to grow your courage. Below is a 10 x 8 graph of eighty squares, each square representing a year in your life. If you can, draw your own 10 x 8 graph. Then I want you to fill in as many squares as your age (ex. If you’re 28, shade in 28 squares).   

Take a look at your graph. How does it make you feel? When I marked my graph I noticed more than a third of it shaded. It freaked me out. Have I really lived a third of my life already at 30? I feel young, yet looking at the graph created some difficult feelings for me. It also motivated me to start focusing on all the blank squares- the years I have left. 

So how can you stretch to your full potential with the years you have left? I have found that bucket lists are a great visual way to operate in the stretch zone and grow yourself. They help give you direction, focus and purpose. It’s fun to do them individually. It’s also fun to create one with a partner in crime. The more you talk about your bucket list, the more effective it becomes. Telling your friends and family about your list inspires you to act. There are so many different ideas on the Internet. I came across two YouTube videos this week that featured two young gentlemen, one named Travis Bell (“Life’s Way too Short Not to Live Your Bucket List”) and another named Ben Nemtin (“Six Steps for Crossing Anything off Your Bucket List”). Both of these men have inspired countless individuals in developing personal bucket lists. Bell gave an acronym for helping generate different ideas to include in your bucket list. Taking his list, I revised it using the acronym STRECHNOW. 

                S- Satisfy a curiosity.

                T- Take lessons

                R- Rewarding relationships

                E- Express yourself

                T- Tough challenges

                C- Conquer a fear

                H- Heart acts

                N- New travel adventures

                O- Outstanding achievements

                W- Wealthy legacy

Use the STRETCHNOW acronym to help you develop your own bucket list. I would love to hear about the top items on your bucket list! Just leave a comment with three things you would love to do to expand yourself. 

I encourage you to start investing time in your stretch zone. It is through this courage that you will continue growing towards your potential.

Quotes about Courage

If you put yourself in a position where you have to stretch outside your comfort zone, then you are forced to expand your consciousness.

Les Brown

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

Robert Tew

The first trip of the Pony Express was made in ten days- an average of two hundred miles a day. But we soon began stretching our riders and making better time.

Buffalo Bill

If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone.

John Maxwell

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Neale Donald Walsch

In this world you’re either growing or you’re dying, so get in motion and grow.

Lou Holtz

Every moment of one’s existence one is growing into more or retreating into less.

Norman Mailer

A ship in a harbor is safe, but that’s not what a ship is built for.

Unknown

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Relentlessness- The Mindset of a Champion

Napoleon Hill, bestselling author of Think and Grow Rich, tells a story about a man named R. U. Darby. Darby was a millionaire, and he credited his success to an experience he had earlier in his life. During the gold rush days of the 19^th century Darby’s uncle had pioneered west to Colorado and discovered gold ore. In need of mining machinery to dig up the ore, Darby’s uncle returned home to Maryland to secure financing for the machinery. He decided to bring Darby back with him to Colorado to help work the mine.
Things went well at first. The first remnants of gold they discovered were shipped to a smelter and the money they received showed that they could potentially be digging one of Colorado’s richest mines. A few more gold discoveries would clear Darby and his uncle of all their debt and they would become very rich.
Then things changed. The vein of gold ore they had been successfully drilling suddenly disappeared. Confident they would find more gold, Darby and his uncle kept digging in that area. Day after day they drilled and found no gold. What made matters worse was that every day both men dug the mine both men dug themselves deeper into debt. After more digging and still no luck, both men decided to quit. They sold all the drilling machinery to a junkman and returned home to Maryland.
Now the junkman knew of their previous success and was convinced that there was still gold to mine. He hired a mining engineer to get an expert opinion, and the engineer’s findings were shocking: he found that the vein of gold ore that Darby and his uncle had been seeking was just three feet from where they had stopped drilling. The junkman decided to continue where Darby and his uncle left off. The engineer was right: just three feet deeper gold was found!

A Relentless Attitude- The Heart of a Champion

Had Darby and his uncle just dug three more feet they would have been rich. While they were motivated for a time after initially finding gold, they quit when they were met with a major obstacle.
Relentlessness means remaining strict and determined towards one’s goals. A relentless attitude separates those who are successful from those who fall short. Relentless people are incessant. No one and nothing will get in the way of a relentless man or woman in pursuit of their goal. Relentless people get what they want. Relentless people win.
Michael Jordan is known for his relentlessness. Because of this he won six NBA titles with the Chicago Bulls and is considered the greatest basketball player to ever play the game. Kobe Bryant had the same relentless attitude as Jordan, winning five titles himself with the Los Angeles Lakers. Relentlessness, however, is not predetermined. It’s a skill that anyone can learn and develop. Nevertheless, 90% of people fail to reach their goals because they stop short when they are met with obstacles. By being relentless you never give up. By being relentless you will continue to push forward until you reach your intended goal. So how can you grow your relentlessness?

10 Ways to Grow More Relentless

1.      Adopt the belief of personal responsibility. If you haven’t gotten the money, the job, the body, or the relationship you want today, it’s because your mindset is flawed. Remember: everything in the external world is a manifestation of an inner reality. It may be easier to place blame on others or the world for your inability to reach your goal, but ultimately it’s up to YOU to get yourself where you want to go.

2.      Establish and emotionally engage in a M.V.R. (Morning Visualization Ritual). By emotionally engaging in our intended goal we increase our vibrations. These vibrations will attract a like-vibration in the material world. This is the law of attraction. Write your goal down somewhere. Make it tangible. Hold your written goal in your hand. Read your intended goal every morning. Visualize what it would feel like to fulfill that goal. Do this every morning.

3.      Develop a personal practice aimed at achieving your goal and find a block of time each day to implement that practice relentlessly. With your goal in mind, ask yourself: what can I do consistently day-by-day to move me closer to my goal? Then take action. If you’re aiming to become a best-selling author, perhaps you will write thirty minutes a day. If you want to lose thirty pounds, perhaps you will run the trail every day after work. Once you have your practice in mind, write it down. Then schedule out a time each day to implement that practice. Keep track of how consistent you are adhering to this practice. If you’re not acting as often as you would like, reflect and revise your practice.

4.      Correct practice makes perfect. I once went to a basketball camp that taught me to rethink a popular phrase I often heard growing up: practice makes perfect. The leader of the camp said to us, “You may have been taught that ‘practice makes perfect.’ That is simply not true. If I am studying for a test but am studying the wrong information, come test time I will fail. If I practice shooting free-throws with bad form, come game time I will be inconsistent.” Instead of practice makes perfect, the more effective rephrasing would be correct practice makes perfect. Ensure whatever steps you’re taking today are aligned with your intended goal.

5.      Stick with what works and drop what’s not serving you. Plans change but visions remain. I remember hearing this when I went to a conference in Tacoma in the early 2010s. It takes only a little experience living in the real world to become aware of this truth. We may make plans, but more often than not something unexpected will come up and we have to revise our plans. You must learn to adapt to changing circumstances. If you have a plan that’s progressing you toward your intended goal, keep it! Don’t change what’s working. If you have a plan that’s not working, revise or drop it. You may need to change your plan, but it doesn’t mean you have to change your vision.

6.      Be patient. Get-rich-quick schemes are nice to think about but unrealistic. It takes time, effort and consistency to get to where you want to go. Be patient. Take comfort in knowing you’re getting closer.

7.      Find an accountabilibuddy. Find a devoted mentor, coach, or friend that can hold you accountable towards your practice and intended goal. Accountability leads to greater potential success and ensures you don’t quit easily. Also find models who are masters of relentlessness themselves. Admire those incessant business moguls. Observe those professional athletes who know what it takes to win.

8.      Don’t give up. Never stop working towards your goal until you see it manifest. Obstacles will present themselves. Don’t be discouraged by them. View them as your friends, as motivators that push you more relentlessly toward your goals. Get extra motivated when the naysayers try to bring you down. People will think you’re crazy. People will think your goal is impossible to achieve. Don’t listen to them. Keep to what you believe you can achieve and the practice that you know is working.

9.      Set up rewards for progress. Once you have made some progress, reward yourself. Go out to a fine dinner. Take those close to you to celebrate with you. Give yourself incentive to continue moving forward towards your goal. 

Be relentless in the pursuit of your goal. You may have been digging for some time and have yet to reach your goal. Don’t be discouraged. You may be just three feet away from gold.

Relentlessness Quotes

Be relentless in pursuit of those goals, especially in the face of obstacles. Along the way, make no excuses and place no blame.

Ray Bourque

Be relentless and then you’ll break through.

Downtown Julie Brown

Relentless, repetitive self-talk is what changes our self-image.

Denis Waitley

You must be passionate, you must dedicate yourself, and you must be relentless in the pursuit of your goals. If you do, you will be successful.

Steve Garvey

Small disciplines repeated with consistency every day lead to great achievements gained slowly over time.

John Maxwell

It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.

Babe Ruth

Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.

Anonymous

Consistent action creates consistent results.

Christine Kane

If you want to be taken seriously, be consistent.

Anonymous

It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently.

Tony Robbins

Intentional Action- Strategies for Identifying and Overcoming Fear

In college I lived with my brother in an apartment in downtown Seattle. I remember how we used to talk about traveling together to a foreign country. I had previous international travel experiences in Spain, Portugal, England and South Africa, and Cory had been to Italy, Spain and Jamaica. As the travel fever increased, so did our passion to travel together.

Year after year we talked about possible travel plans, but nothing ever seemed to work out. Traveling was expensive, and we had many bills to worry about paying. Besides airfare there were the costs of hotels, food, in-country transportation, travel guides and souvenirs.  We weren’t sure if we would be able to pay our basic bills if we decided to explore a new country. Year after year we waited for the paycheck to increase so we could travel. The bills kept on coming in. Paycheck to paycheck we had little at the end of the month. Traveling never happened.

Fear prevented us from moving forward, fear of the unknown. We weren’t sure if we would be able to afford such a dream. This mindset kept us locked in and unable to break free.

Finally in 2011, we decided we had to take a risk. I went online and searched for cheap tickets to different places in the world. Of all the countries that intrigued us, Costa Rica ended up being our top choice. Then we bought two tickets. I remember feeling like I had lost a large chunk of my available resources. I felt broke and empty. But at the same time, I was ecstatic about the upcoming trip with my brother, and he was excited too. That summer, we spent two weeks traveling the eastern coasts of Costa Rica and Panama. We explored the diverse Costa Rican rainforests and swamps, hunted for snakes, ate some awesome Caribbean food, and built friendships with people from all over the world that still endure today. When we came back to the States, we could only reflect on the unique experiences we had. The payoff was well worth what we spent months prior.

The Truth About Fear

There are two types of fear. Rational fears are the instinctual fear we possess that keeps us safe. These fears include the fear of pain and the fear of death. It’s the fear that says don’t jump in a pool of sharks. It’s the fear that says it’s probably not the best idea to hang over the edge of a 10-story building. It’s the fear that says to not stick your hand in a pot of boiling water. Rational fear is necessary for our protection from things that could potentially cause us harm or lead to death. The second type of fear is irrational fears. Irrational fears are well-hidden. They are less recognizable than rational fears for they are buried deeper within us. Irrational fears are not necessary and hold us back from reaching our full potential. Here is a list of eight of the most common irrational fears. By identifying which of these fears you tend to gravitate to you greatly reduce their power in your life.

- Fear of rejection

- Fear of abandonment

-Fear of failure

- Fear of success

- Fear of being judged

- Fear of the unknown/fear of change

- Fear of not being good or smart enough

- Fear of humiliation

Dallas Brown lists three truths about irrational fear:

         * Irrational fear is irrational. “Something horrible is going to happen to me if I….” My Great Uncle Bob was a fabulous musician and preacher. He used to teach us nieces and nephews using acronyms. One of the acronyms he used frequently was FEAR- False Evidence Appearing Real. In the animal world, rational fear is necessary to survive. It is our fight-or-flight response. We often fear, however, outside of life-and-death scenarios (irrational fear). If you fear missing a day of work to spend with your family because you might get fired, this is an irrational fear (fear of the unknown). If you fear your family’s response if you decide to take a job in another city, this fear is irrational (fear of rejection or fear of abandonment). This fearful self-talk prevents you from moving forward towards your desired result.

       * Irrational fear exaggerates. Irrational fear has a tendency to blow up minor issues into major catastrophes. The fear itself is more often greater than that what is feared. My grandpa Cam was set to give his testimony at a church service one evening. He was excited to give his testimony, but he also had the fear of humiliation. You see, he had a major stuttering problem, and he was consciously aware of that problem. It affected him. It affected his schooling. It’s partially the reason he dropped out of the 8^th grade. The day leading up to his speech, Cam prayed, “God, please help me to not stutter.” That evening on the podium, he stuttered every word of his testimony. He fought through to the end, and as he left the podium he vowed never to speak in front of people again. On his way out the door, an older lady grabbed his arm and told him, “Young man, that was the most powerful testimony I’ve ever heard.” My grandpa Cam was very surprised by the lady’s response. Something switched in his head, because from that moment forward Cam made another vow. This time he vowed that he would tell his testimony to everybody he encountered, whether it be one-on-one, in small groups, or on a stage in front of a large audience. It’s also interesting to note that from that moment on Cam never stuttered again! Fear has a way of making situations worse than they actually are.   

      * Irrational fear justifies and makes excuses. When I was in college, I had a hard time saying no to my peers. Friends used to come up and invite me to attend various events and parties. I had no passion to go. After a long day I much rather had stayed in my room and watched a movie with popcorn. But I would always respond YES to their invitation because I didn’t want them to be upset with me. A few hours later I would purposely send them a text informing them that something came up and I could no longer go. The first few times I did this they brushed it off, but soon they stopped inviting me to go to different places. It reminded me of the story The Boy Who Cried ‘Wolf’, except this story was The Boy Who Cried ‘Yes’. As a result, my friends automatically assumed I wasn’t interested in going with them. This fear of abandonment led me to make one excuse after another, and though I felt justified at the time doing so, I later realized my words could no longer be trusted. It would have been much better to say no and face the fear of abandonment. Making excuses proved to be more work and detrimental in my relationships.

Irrational fear prevents you from moving forward towards your intended destination. Intentions are great, but they are not enough to overcome fear. To overcome fear you must ACT. As President John F. Kennedy said, “There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction.” Or as Leonardo da Vinci said, “Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation…even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.” Action is the bridge that leads one from intention to desired results. In any given situation, we are given a choice to surrender to our fear or to overcome our fear. Those choices can be represented in two acronyms: you can choose to either Forget Every And Run or you can Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours.

How to Overcome Your Fear

   1. Identify your fear by name. First state your intended goal you want to achieve. Then ask yourself, What’s holding me back from accomplishing this goal? After identifying the obstacle, ask yourself again why you haven’t moved forward. Continue the process until you’ve identified what fear disguise you have buried within yourself. Don’t judge your fear; acknowledge it. Start to analyze the triggers for that fear.

         2. Ask yourself what fears and anxieties you have brought into this situation. Then ask yourself how you reacted to those fears and anxieties.

         3. Breathe deeply. Deep breathing relaxes the body instead of initiating the fight-or-flight response.

         4. 'Do It Now’ Meditation. When I studied under John Maxwell I remember him teaching me a strategy to help push one towards action. I call it the ‘Do It Now’ Meditation. Every morning with your intended goal in mind, say to yourself “Do it now” fifty times. Then every evening before you go to bed repeat “Do it now” with the intended goal in mind. This will build a sense of urgency for action.

        5. Take action. Action forces us to face our fear. Action forces us to risk failure, being wrong, or getting hurt. Inaction, however, will guarantee your life stays as it is. Act TODAY. Take the first step towards your goal. If you can’t do it now, plan when you will do it.

        6. Hire a life coach. A life coach helps you to get to where you want to go. If dealing with trauma, work with a counselor or therapist.

        7. Invite others to hold you accountable. Another option is to have others hold you accountable for reaching your intended goals.

              8. Stop making excuses! Use the following formula to hash out an action plan to move forward.

                X= Intended goal             Y= Excuse            Z= Intended action        

Part 1: I want _______X_______ but _______Y_______.

Part 2: I want _______X_______ and _______Y_______, so ________Z_______.

Awareness is the first step towards reaching your full potential. Intentional action helps you to overcome the obstacles driven by fear that hold you back from reaching your goals.

Quotes about Intentional Action:

Always do what you’re afraid to do.

Ralph W. Emerson

There is always a gap between intention and action.

Paulo Coehlo

Take action! An inch of movement will bring you closer to your goals than a mile of intention.

Dr. Steve Maraboli

People are anxious to improve their circumstances but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.

James Allen

Your largest fear carries your greatest growth.

Unknown

It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it.

Ecclesiastes 5:5