Declaration, Habit, Fulfillment--Going from Dreams to Actualization

I worked hard. Nothing came on a silver platter. I earned what I got, good or bad. I got no pre-determined allowance; the chores I did were required, no ifs, ands or butts (boy do my students get a kick when I say that last one!). Years later I would be rewarded of being a hard-worker, a character trait, which ever since has created positive lifelong results. Thanks to my parents, to good, strict parenting and never allowing thoughts of pride and privilege to dominant my psyche, I now lead a life of great possibility and an openness to experience life’s grandness without falling to life's never-ending circumstances.

I was the leading scorer of both my C-team and JV basketball teams my freshman and sophomore years. Both years I was awarded the Most Valuable Player (MVP) award. It wasn’t because I was more talented, not anymore than the players around me. They were all fantastic players. We won many championships in our elementary and middle school years with our group. After my 8th grade middle school season I personally decided to take a step beyond my 2006 teammates in basketball dedication: I decided to spend hours a day perfecting my game. I would shoot whether it was sunny, snowy or pouring down rain. From the 3-pointer to the jumper in the key (what I deemed the “Kobe” shot) I didn’t just talk about being a good basketball player: I developed a habit of action which enabled me to exceed anything I’ve ever done previously on the basketball court. John Maxwell said, “Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments, and that bridge must be crossed every day. Overtime that daily crossing becomes a habit. And ultimately, people do not decide their future; they decide their habits and their habits decide their future.” My aspiration was basketball, and through that aspiration I accomplished more than I ever imagined on the court.

The only way to reach your goals in this short duration of life is to establish good work habits TODAY. These habits must progress you and grow you. If they prevent you from attaining your desired goals they should be immediately discarded. In order to establish good habits you must take action, not in some future date, but now. Don’t wait until tomorrow; tomorrow will always be one day ahead of you. Begin today.

As a teenager and a young adult I had developed a poor habit of flaking. It started with my people-pleasing mentality: I was somebody who could never say “no” to invitations. Whenever I was invited to an event I would always say, “Sure,” even if I had no plan on going. I thought it would be better to give positive affirmations in the initial confrontation than pay retribution for canceling later. Hours later I’d pull off whatever story I could to exit my initial declaration while keeping my positive social contact with the one who invited me. It seemed harmless at first, but soon it began to ruin my relationships. I lost many good friendships on account of being flaky. I hurt myself; I hurt my future. It wasn’t because I couldn’t say “no” that I lost credibility amongst my friends; it was because I abandoned my word that people could no longer trust what came out of my mouth.

I often reflect on the story “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” Remember? The tale goes that there was a shepherd boy who tended his sheep at the foot of a mountain near a forest. It was lonely for him, so he devised a plan to get a little company. He rushed down towards the village calling out “Wolf, Wolf!” and the villagers came out to meet him. This pleased the boy so much that a few days after he tried the same trick, and again the villagers came to his help. Shortly after this a wolf actually did come out from the forest. The boy cried out “Wolf, Wolf,” louder than before. But this time the villagers, who had been fooled twice before, thought the boy was again lying, and nobody came to his aid. So the wolf made a good meal off the boy’s flock.

The fable is a metaphor of hypocrisy, something I was guilty of for a long time.  It’s opposite also has strong implications: mountains can be moved; healings can be manifested; relationships can be restored. The change to a life of integrity is the transition to a life of actualization and influence. Truth and honesty are the foundations of a fulfilled life and the most successful relationships. It takes a long time to rebuild trust, with oneself or with another. Memories aren’t forgotten easily. Why are lifelong marriages more sacred in both the religious and humanistic contexts? Because the integrity of the vow, the commitment to another soul, the truth of the word followed by action conquers all obstacles that will be sure to present themselves in the way.
Will your life be one of influence? What legacy are you wishing to leave?

Don’t wait for tomorrow to come. The sun may never rise again on your life. Start today. Several years ago my brother Cory and I were talking about making an international trip together to Costa Rica. We talked about it for years, but it wasn’t realized until we finally said to each other, “Today is the day we make the decision to go to Costa Rica” and we bought our tickets. These experiences would expand to Belize, Guatemala, and Norway. Initially it hurt (financially), but we’ve never regretted the decision of TODAY. Soon our finances equaled that of our friends, and the only difference between us and our friends was we had traveled to Central America and Northern Europe while our friends hadn’t.

You can dream for years without seeing your vision realized. The gap between your dreams and reality is in your daily habits. Habits are not established tomorrow. They begin today. Don’t waste anymore time imagining your dreams and hoping they will somehow happen. Be proactive. With a heart of integrity go out and begin today. You won’t regret the manifested future you were destined for.

Today is the day we buy our tickets to paradise.

The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.

Bob Marley

The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.

Zig Ziglar

Honesty and integrity are absolutely essential for success in life - all areas of life. The really good news is that anyone can develop both honesty and integrity.

Zig Ziglar

Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don Miguel Ruiz

Let me define a leader. He must have vision and passion and not be afraid of any problem. Instead, he should know how to defeat it. Most importantly, he must work with integrity.

A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.

Confucius

The high road is always respected. Honesty and integrity are always rewarded.

Scott Hamilton

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.

Albert Einstein

Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to

succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.

Abraham Lincoln

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.

Ecclesiastes 5:5

But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and [your] nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.

James 5:12

An Abundant Life: Understanding the Ying and Yang Dichotomy

For four years after my inner awakening I lived a life of non-attachment. Through my studies and own experiences I saw how attachment causes suffering, that which led me to my darkest valley in 2010. When I began practicing non-attachment in my daily life I noticed that the areas I would’ve suffered in the most weren’t that difficult anymore. I was able to alleviate my own suffering through focusing on the present moment and un-attaching from any particular outcome. It gave me freedom, a base from which I could experience life.

I call these four years my “Point 0.” They formulated the base of who I was, and they were spiritually dominant. In the spiritual world suffering doesn’t exist. I didn’t suffer. When I sensed any bit of suffering arise, I would refocus on the present moment and just un-attach from any bothering thought, and my suffering would be relieved. But I also wasn’t experiencing the joy I once had experienced before. I never got too excited about any one thing. I would just float by and observe everything that happened. I would never commit to what I was seeing, instead viewing what I saw from a distance. I was the observer and only the observer. I was reserved, and I was scared. I maintained a fear of suffering and an unwillingness to delve into any sort of life experience, because suffering may be the result. After I had a conversation with a friend about this lifestyle and what I was missing through non-attachment, my perception began to change. My ego tried to hold on, but in the end I let go of my attachment to this non-attachment philosophy.

Ying and Yang is a Chinese philosophy that describes how opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent, and how they give rise to each other as they interrelate. The whole of the greater ying and yang is greater than it’s parts. Ying means “north side of the hill” (away from the sun). It’s understood as negative, passive, shaded and hidden. It is also characterized as slow, soft, insubstantial, cold, wet, feminine and tranquil. Yang means “south side of the hill” (facing the sun). It is understood as active, open, and relieving. It is characterized as hard, fast, solid, dry, focused, hot, masculine and aggressive. In the ying yang symbol, the dark (ying) and light (yang) forces are connected. Within each holds its opposite:

     - Light and darkness
     - Fire and water
     - Blessing and resentment
     - Love and hatred
     - Joy and suffering

St. John of the Cross’s “Dark Night of the Soul” describes how through the darkness one comes to light. Jesus had to suffer a period of darkness before he himself was brought to light. You often hear how individuals through suffering come to new realizations or become enlightened. You also hear of its opposite: when somebody is high on their egoic horse they inevitably fall off to a period of darkness. Every individual, group, or nation riding high will lose track of their weakness, which will eventually take over.

                 "Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

The impediment that holds us back from experiencing the greatness of something we want to experience is the fear of experiencing the greatness of its opposite, something we don’t want to experience. Once we begin to perceive the interconnectedness of life’s dual forces, however, we lose grip of the fear we’ve held onto to embrace the abundant life we were created for. When we look back from our deathbeds at the life we’ve lived, we will thus be filled with utmost joy, appreciation, and contentment of all the sufferings and joys we went through. We will be filled with unconditional love for our life as a whole, and thank God for giving us a rich human experience.

This world is an abusive place, but it is also beautiful. The fearless experiencer is not only willing to experience the greatness of light but is also willing to experience the greatness of darkness, for out of light comes darkness and out of darkness comes light.

You never know what you got until it’s gone.

Tobymac

The dance between darkness and light will always remain— the stars and the moon will always need the darkness to be seen, the darkness will just not be worth having without the moon and the stars.

C. JoyBell C.

Animals are something invented by plants to move seeds around. An extremely yang solution to a peculiar problem which they faced.

Terence McKenna

Accept your dark side, understanding it will help you to move with the light. Knowing both sides of our souls, helps us all to move forward in life and to understand that, perfection doesn't exist.

Martin R. Lemieux

Your greatest attribute, that which allows you to accomplish most in life and the most treasured aspect of your being will often be the source of your greatest suffering.

Chris Matakas

The world is, was, will always be filled with good and evil, because good and evil is the yin and yang of the human condition.

Philip Zimbardo

Often, the truly great and valuable lessons we learn in life are learned through pain. That's why they call it "growing pains." It's all about yin and yang. And that's not something you order off column A at your local Chinese restaurant.

Fran Drescher

Yin and Yang are two convenient polar opposites that are used to explain how things function in relation to one another and to the universe. No entity can be seen in isolation; everything is connected.

W. John Diamond

I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so that there is really only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.

Barbara Brown Taylor

In my darkest hour, the light of God have shine upon me and directed my path.

Lailah Gifty Akita

When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Lao Tzu

The heart that gives, gathers.

Lao Tzu

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

1 Peter 4:12-13

The Mind: Our Spirit's Vehicle

Some days words come to me very easily. Other days I am blank. Today is one of those days. So why am I blogging today? I don’t know. Maybe by the end of this I will have a product worth presenting. Maybe something will come of it that will inspire readers. I’m writing to release and express. These are my reflections:

I ask myself often: why? For what purpose am I doing this? Is this progressing me or holding me back? Most of these questions my intuition answers pretty quickly. My intuition I trust, more than my over-thinking mind. We should all trust our intuitions, our inner-most decider. We have a reasoning mind, but at the end of the day the decisions we make are inspired by our intuition, and this gives us the greatest sense of self-satisfaction and happiness.

But when we identify with our minds a different thing happens. Our minds are wired with different thought patterns and pathways. Some pathways are taken more frequently, forming deeper channels, while others are less-traveled on. Our mind is our own unique world, and we can choose where to go. But a danger falls when we begin to lose hold of the decider, our intuition, our heart, who we really are. Following and believing every thought that comes into the head produces instability. Habits are formed, both good and bad, and we become trapped by the limitations of our mind.

Our mind is not who we are but a tool, a vehicle to be used wisely. All our vehicles have certain dents and various mileage put onto them. Some have been in major wrecks, but the purpose is the same: to drive and reach where we couldn’t have gone without it. The major mistake we as westerners make is making the mind our identity. Anyone with any experience living with someone with dementia can tell you of this misconception. Heck, anybody with a baby can tell you the same thing. The Alzheimer's patient and the newborn infant don’t have a mind-identity like we do. But they still exist. They’re still here. Once you dis-identify with mind you don’t die; you experience who you really are: spirit or breath. Here is where peace is found. Here is your liberation, love, and happiness.

We are the director of our mind, the manipulator, and we have the power to alter our brain waves and functions. But are we taking responsibility over this vehicle? Do we even dare to take this responsibility? Because if we do maybe we have no real excuse for living in limitation or unnecessary suffering. Maybe “what we think we become.” Scary but empowering. We defend our mind as our identity, yet our mind was created by the choices of our intuition. We hold onto the belief that we are our mind because we don’t want to lose it. We don't want to end the habits that keep us where we are. We're used to them. We're more comfortable with them. But they will end someday, either during this life or at death. Just like the newborn baby or the Alzheimer's patient, we will exist without it. Point to yourself: where are you pointing? Your head or your heart?

We must think on good things, and when we do wherever our heart’s intention lies, that is where our mind will follow. This is the space where dreams become real.

In the beginning there was God and only God.  There was nothing else.  There were no distinctions, there were no parts; there was only God.  There was nothing to describe, nothing to grasp the mind around. God was simply being. 
    There are many parallels between the vast numbers of creation stories.  The many spiritual and religious traditions describe this period as an unknown fulfillment, a void. The Hindu scriptures define it as a period where there was neither existence nor non-existence.  There was neither the realm of space nor the sky beyond.  There was neither death nor immortality.  There was no day or night.  God only breathed by God’s own impulse.  The Greek creation myth described this period as an empty darkness.  The only thing in this abyss was Nyx, a bird with black wings.  The Australian aborigines told that everything was still, and all the spirits of the earth were asleep, except the great Father of All Spirits.  The Japanese creation myth tells that all elements were mixed together within one germ of life.  A Chinese creation story told that there was nothing in the universe except a formless chaos.  This period was the time before time. Mainstream scientific theory says there was nothing but potential energy.

    Then an action took place...

    Like the pre-existence period, most religious and spiritual traditions have their own story of the first action that happened.  A Christian view is that God was lonely and sought companionship.  As a result, he spoke and created the known world.  Another is that God sought glory which required others to acknowledge Him.  One spiritual tradition tells that God created with the power of heat out of great desire.  The Greek myth tells how Nyx laid a golden egg and for ages sat upon this egg.  Life began to stir in the egg and out of it arose Eros, the god of love, and the split shell became the sky and the Earth.  The Australian aborigines told how the Father of All Spirits awoke the Sun Mother, and as she opened her eyes a warm ray of light spread out towards the sleeping earth.  The Father of All Spirits told the Sun Mother to wake all the sleeping spirits and give them forms.  The Japanese tale described how the germ of life began to mix things around and around until the heavier part sank and the lighter part rose.  A muddy sea that covered the earth was created and from this ocean grew a green shoot.  It grew and grew until it reached the clouds, where there it was transformed into a god.  This god grew lonely and it began to create other gods.  The Chinese story also describes how life came from a cosmic egg, where within the egg the perfectly opposed principles of Yin and Yang were balanced and Pangu emerged from the egg.  The ancient Egyptians described the world emerging from an infinite, lifeless sea called Nu.  Scientific theory states there was a cosmic explosion billions of years ago. All these stories differ in detail but have a common element:  in the beginning there was of one essence, and then an action of creation took place; the first distinction. 

    It is impossible to know something if you don’t know non-something.  It is impossible to know light if you don’t know darkness.  It is impossible to know life unless you know death.  It is impossible to know the great power of Love unless you know fear.

    We were created to know ourselves, and to know is to form a distinction from everything else using thought. Thus we come to know and appreciate the various elements of the Divine Mystery, of God, and fulfill on the intent of creation.  We were created to experience the outreaches of the beauty of this Mystery and be co-creators of its glory. And thus we form distinctions from our first childhood understandings to our deaths, where we reunite with the heart of the Divine Mystery from which we came.

Our mind is the master of distinction. It’s job is to separate the world into parts, recognize this thing from that thing. When the mind dies we re-enter eternal bliss. Then we realize that the greatest distinction of all is there are no distinctions.

I’ve seen the world in a whole new light since dis-identifying with my mind and using it instead as a tool. I hurt, but I don’t suffer like I used to. The freedom I’ve had the last five years is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in terms of fulfillment. It’s beautiful. I suggest you get on board and experience it for yourself.

Forgiveness is the Key to Peace

I watched a video yesterday titled “Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light.“ The video highlighted a man who lost his wife and two kids in a tragic head-on car accident. The person responsible for the accident was a male teenager. Both the offender and the offended were anguished from the catastrophic event, encounters of guilt and despair. The man who lost his wife and kids went through the stages of grief: denial/shock, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Understandable. Heartfelt. Justified. The teen went through great guilt, knowing he was the cause of the travesty and responsible for the heartbreak of many. But what was most remarkable about the story was the man’s willingness to eventually forgive the teenager, and not only to forgive him but to mentor him to rebuild his own life. The video moves one to tears.

When I was a senior in high school one of my most passionate dreams crumbled. I was a one-sport athlete. I played baseball in my younger years, but I found the sport to be slow-moving and boring, so I quit. I also had experienced soccer, swimming, and track-and-field, but my number one passion was basketball. I dedicated my entire high school mindset to basketball, breathed basketball, ate basketball, slept basketball. I had high hopes and dreams of playing college ball and, now jokingly reflecting, the NBA. I was the leading scorer of my freshman and sophomore teams, C-Team and JV respectively. When my junior year came around I expected to start on the varsity squad. Instead I swung between JV and varsity. That was a hit in the chest, but I intended to press hard my senior year, get acknowledged for the sport, and win a college scholarship. When my senior year came along we had a coaching change. I had a good relationship with the incoming coach. I was in his classes, and he respected me as a player. During the summer league I recorded fourteen rebounds with an injured thumb. I was impressing, or so I thought. When the season started I was told I was going to be the seventh guy in the rotation. The coach only played six substantially. The first game I played four minutes and scored five points. The second game I played a little more but didn’t score a point. Discouraged with my role on the team and the broken dreams, I quit just before the third game.

The decision to end my sports aspirations hurt. I developed major resentment towards certain individuals. I held grudges against the players who took the role I thought I deserved. I held grudges against my high school coaches. I held a grudge against God. Why did this happen to me? Why after all this work do I have nothing to show? I went on to play YMCA ball with several other friends in high school, which I enjoyed. I also played intramurals in college, which met my competitive expectations. It took me several years before I was finally able to forgive those I was upset with. Although this is minuscule compared to losing a wife and kids, the same message applies.

Resentment is an malicious disease. It starts in the mind and spreads throughout the body. I remember one time I was so resentful towards an individual that I became overstressed and got shingles all over my chest.

What you think you become.

My resentment replayed over and over in my mind, causing me to experience a great discomfort physically; the mind, body, spirit connection.

Why do so many spiritual teachings insist that we forgive one another?

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

Forgiveness is not only the root of religious faith; it’s the root of inner peace, joy, and love experienced in this life. Oftentimes we wait for that glory day when we’re reunited with the Creator, when all is made right. Needless to say, on that day you won’t be worrying about any of the stuff you’re worrying about now. That’s a great hope, but if it means putting off peace, joy, and love you can experience NOW, it’s a great tragedy to the sanctity of life. The time of union will certainly come and last eternally. The time that doesn’t last for long is now. Feel your breath. Feel your life.

Resentment and bitterness does the mind, body, and spirit no good. It’s an excuse to justify our feeling of victimization, that we have been wronged, the “poor-me” mentality. It's an addiction. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is letting go of past grievances, past resentment and bitterness, and feeling the freedom and peace overtake you that dominoes through the entire mind, body, and spirit. It allows one to experience love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It’s the transformative decision to learn from the past, go forth in our mission, and reach self-actualization. It’s time to stop making excuses that are holding you back from your full potential, a potential gained through a life of peace, joy, and love. Quit playing the victim, and embrace the life God destined you to live.

Quotes on forgiveness: 

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” Robert Muller

“Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.” Oscar Wilde

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.” Peter Ustinov

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

“Holding onto anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.” Joan Lunden

“Forgiveness is the final form of love.” Reinhold Niebuhr

“I learned a long time ago that some people would rather die than forgive. It’s a strange truth, but forgiveness is a painful and difficult process. It’s not something that happens overnight. It’s an evolution of the heart.” Sue Monk Kidd

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past- but you sure do change the future.” Bernard Meltzer

“We cannot embrace God’s forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges.” T.D. Jakes

“All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness; the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.”
Dalai Lama