These last three months have witnessed a transition phase
from certain American living to a less definite foreign engagement. I have traveled to several continents
before: Europe, Africa and Central
America. I have connected with certain
places more than others. I often reflect
on my connection to the Caribbean lifestyle:
the people, the food, the culture, the region. The connection is so strong that I intend on buying
and running a hostel in Belize, Panama or Costa Rica sometime in the next few
years, along with my brother and dad.
Does this mean the experiences of Europe, Africa and Asia are of any
less value? Of course not. It shows that we are all individuals that
have deeper connections with certain people, places and objects, some more than
others. I never expected to be living in
Mongolia at this time of my life; I never expected to be living in Mongolia at
all. But God has a way of laying out our
life path.
On August 12 we found out where we would be working the next
two years in Mongolia. Over the last
three months, I made many close friends and acquaintances. When I left Washington I didn’t know how I
would respond to being away from those I’ve been closest to my whole life. I hadn’t ever left my close ties for longer
than a month and a half. This, to me,
was my biggest challenge going into the Peace Corps. When we had our orientation days back in
Washington D.C. in May, we met the rest of the M24s we would be connected to
for the rest of our service. I didn’t
know who I would meet or what to expect.
I came in with a very individualized mindset of personal evolution,
seeing new relationships as pawns to my own chess game of experience. I remember going out the night of May 29th
with Adam, Ben, Aaron, Cal and Karissa to a bar in D.C. where there was a
trivia night. Adam was my roommate, and
I remember having a discussion with Cal about Wyoming and Karissa about
something else. I remember getting
sliders and fries that night, along with a few cervesas. That entire time I was thinking of the
adventure ahead and about the relationships I had left behind. But I started to connect with the M24s around
me, grasping onto common goals and aspirations.
The relationships only grew stronger from the flight over to Final
Center Days.
The next three months I drew close to several M24s, and as an entire group, all of us came to know each other quite well. We didn’t bring up the past too often. I barely know the history of those I claim closest to me. But we had a connection, one of adventure, of transformation, of leaving home to embrace the unknown. All of us were in this together, no matter our past. It was relieving, the fact that we could start over how we wanted and not get caught up in previous barriers. We could create who we wanted to be the next two years, without any expectations, and with a blank slate. These last three months saw new connections with people I had never met before, with past lives spread throughout America. It now seems like I’ve known these guys for a lifetime. I consider myself primarily an intrapersonal person, on a goal of self-discovery that has been and is the focus of my worldview. It takes time for people to become defining figures in my life. Every person I value as being part of my journey and is supposed to be with me at a particular time. I don’t lose friendships gained, but the connections that were defining and strong in the past may not be as defining and strong in the present. My high school and college friends can account for this. Any individual can account for this, as our relationships are constantly evolving around our personal destiny. The new relationships I formed in the Peace Corps account for a new era of relationships. Will the strong connections last? This is time’s judgment. I have a few strong connections I’ve kept since high school.
I am now living on my own, in a Soviet-styled
apartment. I have visualized living on
my own the last 3-4 years since my graduation from college. My parents can verify. I’ve strived for independence, for that day
that I can focus my attention on creating the life and destiny that I
want. Now I have it. I have it all. I’m in a foreign country, independent on my
own, contemplating reality. I am on my own with those closest to me at a
distance away. The safety net of
relying on anybody has now disappeared. Who
do I turn to when troubles arise? Where
is my safe haven? That will be part of
my discovery. I thank God for the
Internet, for being able to communicate with those who most know me. Is this what I wanted in the first
place? Yes. How can I expand? Expand into the darkness, into the depths of
my own soul and the cloud of the unknowing.
The battle is between fear and love.
Fear we learned here. Love we
were born with. We don’t remember the
first three years of our life, yet the entirety of those years was spent hovering
in the unknown. Why do we fear the
unknown? Because our egos want something
consistent to hold onto to increase the duration of their life. Our identities seek to live on. When we have no consistency to hold onto, we
have to embrace the present moment, the only thing that exists.
This is an amazing journey.
I embrace every single second that presents itself. I came here to evolve and experience
truths. This has now represented itself
in a new way. I’m in the front seat,
waiting for these revelations.
