The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

As I was browsing the internet last week, I came across a very interesting read discussing the top regrets of those that were dying.  A nurse recorded the following as the most common regrets.  She put her findings into a book called ‘The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.’

1.   I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”

2.   I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3.   I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4.   I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5.   I wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

The Seven Epochs of Human Experience

As I was reflecting on general human history and my own human experience, I came up with a simple understanding of human development.  This understanding is not strictly scientifically-based but is rather based on the understanding that experience, in general, is the greatest teacher and revealer of truth. 

Arrow=Journey

Minds/Bodies=Vessels

Ego=Tool

Note:  This is a general human experience.  Individuals may experience each epoch differently.  Some experience one epoch more than the others.  Some may bounce back and forth from various epochs.  Epoch 1 is experienced at the beginning of life whereas Epoch 7 is experienced at death, with the progression of life aligning with the progression of epochs.  Each subsequent epoch must have the experience of previous epochs for keeping a balanced and healthy self.

I adopted the name "Epoch," because it characterizes a certain period of time beginning and ending with a big transition.

Epoch 1:  Inexperienced Pure Consciousness

*  Transition:  Birth

*  Pre-birth to right before first memory

*  Life before the ego

*  No recollection or memories

*  First life experiences (unaware)

You are an inexperienced consciousness, a blank slate.  The mental consciousness (mind) is starting to be explored, but you lack the tool of the ego to distinguish, making you unaware of yourself.  This epoch continues until the development of the ego, a tool used for self-awareness, recollecting memories and learning.

Epoch 2:  Foundational Mental Consciousness

*  Transition:  First memory

*  Childhood years

*  Ego development

*  Beginning knowledge and exploration of the mind

The mental ego is established through collective memories and grows at a rapid pace.  The ego is a tool used for the exploration of the mind.  The conscious self begins to attach to the ego, though it is unaware this attachment is taking place.

"You are not responsible for the programming you picked in childhood.  However, as an adult, you are 100% responsible for fixing it."

Epoch 3:  Social Exploration

*  Transition:  Puberty

*  Social and relational learning

*  Development of social and interpersonal knowledge

*  Vehicle is strong, enabling it to make longer and more difficult journeys

*  The Polars of Love (highs and lows) is what's experienced

*  Socially focused (finding commonalities and combining energies)

This is a highly attractive epoch where many people choose to focus their life experience.  With the union of two egoic vehicles (romance), the Polars of Love are explored.  The individual vehicle is usually strongest at this point, enabling it to make longer journeys.  This epoch may be a difficult one, as Love experienced at its highest form must be experienced at its lowest form to gain a full understanding. 

Humans are social mammals and rely heavily on relationships.  Those whose primary focus is on this epoch will come to know social and interpersonal truths that those focused on the 4th and 6th epochs wont.  This epoch may be experienced over and over again.

Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all."  Aristotle

And the second is like it:  'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Matthew 22:39

Epoch 4:  Mind-Dominant

*  Transition:  Expansion beyond social worldview

*  Post-teenage experience and exploring what is beyond the already-established worldview and social relationships of previous epochs. 

*  Further mind-exploration and individual enhancement using the ego (intrapersonal); the ego is at its strongest, and there is little distinction between the ego, the mind and the self

*  Strong focus on learning and distinction

*  Intellectually focused

*  Another highly attractive epoch

The experiences of Epoch 4 are self-experiences, that is, for the further enhancement of the individual self.  The experiencer is the only one that knows what they're experiencing.  Individuals focused on this epoch may have difficulty communicating to others what they have experienced.  They may feel stagnant at times because of their lack of interpersonal knowledge, especially if they spent little time in Epoch 3.  This could lead to a genuine dislike of people, increasing self-pride.  When Love (dominant feature of Epoch 3) is balanced with the intellect (dominant feature of Epoch 4), the individual is empowered and highly capable of altering the collective consciousness of humanity.

"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."

"If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends.  If broken by an inside force, life begins.  Great things always begin from inside."

"False:  when things change, I will be happy.  True:  when I am happy, things will change."

 Epoch 5:  Regression

*  Transition:  Recession of the ego/mind/body

*  Commonly experienced mid-life and/or during hardships

*  Breakdown of the mental ego; the Unconscious calling back awareness from ego-identification

*  Characterized as a difficult and uneasy period of time

The vehicle (body and mind) and the ego experience a rough patch, requiring more repairs and weakening its functions.  Strenuous journeys the vehicle once endured are now more difficult.  The weakening ego is being used against itself but tries to maintain control.  Nevertheless, the more the ego fights, the stronger the resistance and the greater the suffering.  Regression may be brief.  It may endure a lifetime.  The transition from Epoch 5 to Epoch 6 occurs when the individual ego "lets go," giving itself up to the power of the Unconscious (God), aka "salvation."  Epoch 5 is usually experienced right before a major spiritual breakthrough.

"Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny..."  C.S. Lewis

"It is your reaction to adversity itself, that determines how your life's story will develop."  Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Epoch 6:  Spirit-Dominant

*  Transition:  Salvation through Unconscious awareness 

*  Usually experienced later in life as the mind and body break down (weakening of the vessels) leaving the spirit clearly distinguishable 

*  The realization that the Unconscious has won the battle over the ego (the once-perceived self)

*  The Unconscious begins being explored

*  The ego is still a useful tool and the mind and body are still vessels, but one understands that these will be lost one day

This is a highly spiritual epoch.  If Epoch 5 is experienced early in life (with a strong vehicle), individuals may spend a lifetime in Epoch 6.  Those whose primary focus is Epoch 6 are generally spiritually focused and strive to experience the Unconscious and bring the knowledge to others.

"The journey is the reward."  Chinese proverb

"Everyone is at different stages of consciousness.  There is a certain stage you reach where your intent is to only speak your truth, not convince others of it.  You begin to realize that everyone has their own path.  In other words, you cannot convince a baby they should be walking when they are at the stage of crawling.  To convince them of that truth, is irrelevant."

Epoch 7:  Enlightenment, Death and Reunion

*  Transition:  Death or moments of bliss

*  Union with the Unconscious (God); oneness; wholeness

*  Pure spirit and experienced consciousness

*  Free of all boundaries and suffering

This epoch, for most, is usually when the human experience ends (death).  There is no more ego, no mind, no body.  The vehicle accomplished its duty; the tool is no longer useful.  Our personal consciousness experienced what it had to and is now unified with the Unconscious.  All is One.  There are no regrets.  There is only the present moment, which is all there is and all there ever was or will be.  The spiritually enlightened may experience this epoch during their lifetime for extended periods of time.  Everybody has Epoch 7 experiences, but they're mostly brief moments of pure bliss (peak experiences; "Wow" moments).

"We are just walking each other home."

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."  Confucius